Blinded by the Nights aka Dance in my Pants

Throughout a young music lovers life you go through phases, rites of passage. You need to immerse yourself in scenes so you can find yourself, musically. Oh and so you can either fit in with the current trend facing a pre-teen (that band Live, what the fuck was that about?) or so you can attempt to get close to the girls you not-so-secretly pine for (every girl with bright artificially colored hair, tattoos, piercings and an fuck you attitude).

I had my hip hop phase (young money!), my ska phase (Rudy can’t fail!) and my punk rock phase (Nazi punks fuck off!) . So what was left? Why the rave scene of the late 90’s of course.

Baggy pants, endless bass, late nights and of course the drugs. My Ship and Anchor wing lady Jill brought me to my first party, I had no idea what to expect, and no clue how to dance (still don’t). I remember trying to keep an open mind, but I was a punk rock kid, how would I act at some neon lovefest when I just wanted guitar driven aggressive music?

I remember writing my name and address down on a piece of paper before I got there, I knew I was going to try E and was worried I would have to flee the scene and wouldn’t be able to communicate to a cab driver. Which makes total sense right? Don’t research what you’re about to do, just hope for the best and have a scribbled down address as your backup plan. Boys are dumb.

Walking up the stairs, hearing the bass beat, feeling the stairs shake below me, had me thinking I was going to some European gangbang. I must have walked around for hours, checking out the scene, people watching, studying how people danced (cause there would be a test later). Some girl came up to me and told me I was beautiful. I blankly stared back at her “umm thanks” as I continued my travels around the hall thinking “weirdo”.

I won’t go into the details of the drugs (I’ll leave you to make a judgment on the negatives and positives of partaking in such things) but I will say I found myself on the dance floor at some point in the night. And yes, loving it. Although I had no idea what to do out there. At some point I heard the guy beside me call out to his friend “Ha is he doing the robot?” And of course I was, I knew like two dance moves, and the bunny hop seemed inappropriate somehow. Although if you throw that on at a wedding I am more than prepared to tear the roof of like Redman.

The song I leave you with is Mike Skinner’s classic “Blinded by the Lights”, which is the closest commentary on what going to a party is like. Confusing with a chance of awesome.

And as bonus, and to poke fun at ravers everywhere.

The Tao of the Wu-Tranny Clan

Hedwig and the Angry Inch – Angry Inch

First things fucking first. I fucking loathe musicals, I really do, I would do unmentionably horrific things to Andrew Lloyd Weber for the pain he has caused mankind. For countless hours I sat in the back of my mother’s Mercury Comet as a child unknowingly soaking up lines from ‘Cat’s’ and ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ . At the time it all seemed normal, but looking back it explains my ongoing constant desire to break into song in inappropriate/public places. It also explains that weird childhood memory of me singing “Tomorrow” from the musical ‘Annie’ to my babysitter’s cat in their backyard at the top of my lungs over and over on summer day. And I won’t even get into the issue of attempting to define my own sexuality while having ‘Les Miserables’ stuck in the back of my head as a pre-teen, “should I ask her out now or wait for my single spotlight cue?”

That all being said (musicals suck, my mother messed me up, cat serenades) Hedwig and the Angry Inch is different, well to me at least. The story of a gay boy from Communist Germany who goes through a botched up sex change to marry a American solider, only to be abandoned in USA with a ‘Barbie doll crotch’ on his/her way to becoming a punk rock icon of sorts. As ridiculous as that all sounds, it’s even more ridiculous how much I adore this shit. Punk rock, trans-gender bj jokes, Plato connotations, how can you go wrong?

Justin Bieber Feat. Kanye West and Raekwon – Runaway Love

If one ever needed proof that the musical landscape has truly become a melting pot of genres one need look no further than Bieber’s Kanye produced track ‘Runaway’. I find the very fact that this track exists interesting beyond comprehension.

This is Justin Bieber, the 17 year old bubblegum-pop teen record selling machine with Kanye West, who arguably created the album of the year in 2010 (and one of the best hip-hop albums in 10 years), and Raekwon from the legendary Wu-Tang Clan. I repeat, Wu-Tang and Bieber. And this isn’t some track some kid cut and pasted together, this was an open collaboration, they were in the studio together.

Never before in pop music history has two artists at the top of their game, dripping with success and credibility, joined forces with someone the likes of Bieber. I propose that this is a paradigm shift in popular music, maybe the pinacle. Over the last few years we have seen genres mixed and matched (see the current trend of hip hop using house/techo produced beats), artist collaboration is at an all-time high, and already successful pop acts taking genre risks they never would have before.

It begs the question though. What’s the difference between JB and Usher? The fan-base? The age? Aside from the obvious race difference I see no real difference. And what about Justin Timberlake? Who has somehow gained as much credibility as anyone in music (name me one hip-hop artist who wouldn’t work with him). Things done changed (yo), in pop music and in hip-hop. And maybe this is all for the best, maybe it is time genre’s are left behind, maybe this is where we drop the labels. Perhaps DJ’s, mash-up artists and the need to reach new audiences have altered the landscape forever.

So next time you go to make your Justin Bieber joke, remember to protect yo neck, cause Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nothing to fuck wit. Ya ya, i got nothing else okay.