Corpse Dry Humping

T.S.O.L - Code Blue

Ok so writing a song about fucking the dead is kinda creepy but this song is rad in that 'true crime' sort of way. The protagonist has a problem (he doesn't get along with the girls in his school) and finds a way to rectify that issue (sneaking into the mortuary for some corpse loving). This guy is a problem solver plain and simple.

In a weird Freudian 'ego vs Id' way things like this have always messed with my mind. Who know what lays inside the human mind? Are ethics/morals just artificial social rules created to help our race survive? Maybe we all just want to get some corpse nookie but can’t see past the morals Momma and Poppa taught us? One thing I do know is I’ll never try it, the way I figure it’s like heroin….i try it once and I’m in big trouble.

Regina Spektor - Samson

So first thing first, Regina Spector is crazy as balls (are balls even crazy?). She's this little Russian tinkerbell that writes songs from different characters perspectives, finding that her life isn't as interesting as her multiple personalities lives. It leads to an interesting lyrical landscape where she can basically sing whatever she wants without retribution because it’s from 'an artistic perspective'. It’s kinda like Eminem for people over the age of 16 (and not afraid of ‘the gays’).

It kind of makes me wish I was smart enough to come up with that idea in real life. "Um no when I punched you in the eye then screamed for you to 'fuck off and die a horrifically bloody death and rot in hell with the rest of the monsters of this world. That was just a character of mine. Duh. Don't you understand art?” Annnnnnnnd cue Mike talking with a Russian accent for the rest of the day in 3, 2, 1.

Prince - Purple Rain (no available youtube clip, sigh)

Remember when you watched Purple Rain for the first time and you realized that Prince wasn’t a fruity puffy shirt wearing egomaniac but rather an underappreciated artist and quite possibly the most prolific song writer of our time? Just me? Fine. Well either way Prince has changed music in a way that you can probably only compare to Michael Jackson. Did you know Prince wrote ‘Manic Monday’ by the Bangles? Seriously. Here is a man so epic that he penned a song as popular as Manic fucking Monday and it’s not even common knowledge.

When Michael Jackson died everyone looked back at this musical legacy that pretty much ended in 1992 and was surrounded by the sort of controversy that makes someone second guess the integrity of the artist and thus the integrity of the work itself. When Prince dies I think people will look back in amazement and realize who the more important and influential artist was. I was reading last years ‘Albums of the Year’ review in Rolling Stone and a Prince album was in the top 25. The man has created nothing but great albums for 20 years. No one does that.

Oh and I always wanted to do a lip-sync performance to “Let’s Go Crazy” in Junior High. A solitary spotlight illuminating my face in a blacked out gym. Me passionately mouthing the words “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing called...life”.

After that I would get to dry hump my pick of the junior high litter.

Creepy is the new cool

Tenacious D - The Metal

Ok ok ok I get it. Metal is never going to die. I’m not totally sold if that is a good thing for music overall or not however. I don’t really know anyone who listens to metal other than guys lost in their late twenties, homicidal trench coat sporting whiney high school kids and Justin B (mad love JB). It just always seemed so purposeless. Like I ‘get’ punk rock, all the aggression is about something. Metal just seemed to be about getting upset over being the ugly kid in school.

The ‘new school’ of metal seems so ridiculous. Everyone in masks, yelling about how crappy the world is, having four “percussionists” on stage at one time (SIGH). I understand you have to try to out-ridiculous the past kings of metal but at a certain point it just becomes a musical comic book version of a Rob Zombie movie.

That all being said "The D" still rule.

Frank Sinatra - South of the Border

Every boy in the world wants to be superman until he is 15 years old, then he becomes a man and wants to be Frank Sinatra. Mr. Sinatra is basically the epitome of everything smooth and set the precedent on cool. I read a bunch of articles on him when he passed away and there is this subtle heartbroken side of Frank that adds so much credibility to his music. He was sickly in love with Ava Gardner, who was a drunken floozy who did not feel the same and broke Frank over and over again. There is famous story about him ripping her picture into a million tiny pieces after an argument they had, Frank telling his Rat Pack that he was done with her and pouring himself a stiff drink. I think it was Dean Martin who found him later on that night crying and trying to put all the pieces of her picture back together.

That somehow makes him more of a man to me. Lonely Island - Natalie's Rap I used to love Natalie Portman before this came out. Now my feelings are in “Dateline” territory. Remember that dude who videotaped himself for months talking about Bjork and how he and her were meant to be together? He was super unstable and would randomly yell at the camera about how Bjork “didn’t understand their connection” and how she had betrayed him somehow. If I remember correctly he mailed a bomb to her and killed himself right after sending it. The fuzz found his body pretty quickly and saw the hours of demented video he had made, thus were able to stop the package. Well that dude, has NOTHING on me when it comes to my infatuation with Miss. Portman. It puts the lotion on its skin.